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 Mesa Rising (title is subject to change)

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Taylow
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Taylow


Posts : 318
Join date : 2012-04-02
Age : 31
Location : Hiding from you~

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PostSubject: Mesa Rising (title is subject to change)   Mesa Rising (title is subject to change) Icon_minitimeSun Apr 22, 2012 10:46 am

“Gross,” Ebilan’s nose crinkled as she watched Kekoa skin an animal. Ebilan had a love hate relationship when it came to things like blood, death, and gore in general. She always found it fascinating, though it always somehow made her stomach churn.
“You could always go find something else to do,” Kekoa grunted, trying to ignore the frequent freckle covered face of disgust and awe that was hovering just a few inches away from him. Strands of his dark hair fell into his eyes as he worked his way through the tough grilse and sinew of the animal. Ebilan’s slender fair skinned arm reached out and brushed his hair back, or rather held it up above his head causing his hair to be pulled every time he moved. He glared at her with his dark eyes, though it was a softer glare than the ones he gave to most people. Kekoa wasn’t exactly known for his smile.
Ebilan grumbled something incoherent but dropped his hair back into his tan face and turned to find someone else to bother. She was a skinny girl and her skin was more fair than that of her sisters, looking pasty compared to their dark tan color. Her hair was also a point of controversy when it came to feeling out of place. While hers was fine and a sort of ginger colored, her sisters’ hair was full and looked black unless it was in the sun.
She scratched her flat, exposed stomach lazily, ignoring the scaring that seemed to tear the skin apart. The camp was so quiet anymore, it really sucked. Ebilan liked things busy, like when they were fighting the beserkers that tried to come on shore. Or even when that random band of travelers came their way. But things were dull now days with nothing but deer to kill, and even those weren’t any fun. They were too easy; it was as if they wanted to die. Of course, she couldn’t blame them. With things being so boring she probably would readily die too.

(more will be added at a later date)
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Zex




Posts : 12
Join date : 2012-10-18
Age : 28
Location : Spinny Chair.

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PostSubject: Re: Mesa Rising (title is subject to change)   Mesa Rising (title is subject to change) Icon_minitimeThu Oct 18, 2012 8:05 am

I'm so sorry!

The title "Mesa Rising" sounds like what Jar Jar Binks would say when he gets out of bed in the morning.


Those names are perfect. At " “Gross,” Ebilan’s nose crinkled as she watched Kekoa" I already had a pretty good idea of the setting. It's hard to find a name like that which isn't a cliché.

As for everything else, the lack of space between the paragraphs hurts my eyes.
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